Ask Alyssa: Relationship without romance?

Feb. 11, 2015

By Alyssa Kirchen

[typography font=”Cantarell” size=”25″ size_format=”px”] I’m not a romantic, lovey-dovey person.  Can I still be in a healthy relationship without being forced?[/typography]


A: Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, so what better way to celebrate than with some romance? During this love-filled holiday, it is almost expected that you become the most romantic person when you have someone to spend it with. In reality, not everyone is a very “lovey-dovey” person even if they are in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care.

There are many ways to be in a happy, healthy relationship without being forced to be romantic; you just have to figure out other ways to show you care. You don’t want to turn into someone you’re not, but at the same time, it can’t seem like you’re giving the cold shoulder. There has to be a compromise in order to balance it out. After all, you are a couple, which means two people have to make it work.

A great way to make your partner understand that romance really isn’t your thing is by telling them up front. You have to actually say the words “I am not a romantic person,” otherwise there will be miscommunication where your partner doesn’t think that you care at all. This is a chance for you as a couple to figure out your differences and what will qualify as “enough” for both of you to be happy.

An example of this would be the romantic partner wants to go to a fancy restaurant for Valentine’s Day where they are showered with heart-shaped foods and romantic music, and the less romantic partner just wants to sit at home and enjoy some take-out together. This is where compromise comes in. You have to take the two extremes and make them into something both of you can handle. Try suggesting cooking your partner’s favorite dish together at home and set the table with nice dishes and candle light.

Another way to show affection, but not go overboard, is by being simple. Rent his or her favorite movie for date night and bring their favorite snack to go along. If they are having a bad day, drop by unexpectedly to try to make them smile. When you’re out together shopping or for a casual lunch, pay for it. Also, try to include them in one of your hobbies every once in a while. This will give your partner some satisfaction and let you be the non-romantic person that you are.

It is important to know that you need to feel as comfortable in the relationship as your partner does. The reason why you are together is because of your personality. There is no need to change yourself drastically because your partner should like you for who you are. There are going to be times where you might need to put your partner before yourself in order to make them feel wanted, but as long as you can figure out something to make both of you happy, the relationship will last.

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