That’s what … she said/he said

Question: My significant other and I have been fighting a lot lately. Valentine’s Day is coming up. Do we sweep our issues under the rug until the “holiday” has passed, or do we talk about it now? I don’t want to ruin this romantic day.

Alison Rudig

She Said

Relationship problems are always best addressed immediately. Letting things go for the time being is the easy way out, but it will lead to more problems down the road. The best thing to do is talk about what has been going on as soon as possible.

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a romantic holiday, but it’s more of a symbolic day to share your love. You can always “reschedule” it for a later date, if need be. Although, if you are truly in love, then every day should be Valentine’s Day.

Address the relationship issue(s). Before the “big talk,” write down reasons you have been fighting and ideas to fix the problems at hand. It would be a good idea to suggest this to your significant other, so no one is caught off guard. Also, write down things you like about each other … why did you fall in love in the first place?

Remember, at one point in time you were not fighting. Things can get better, maybe in time for Valentine’s Day. Bring everything out in the open, talk about it all, and resolve the problems. Eventually, you will both learn the best way to figure things out when a fight begins to brew.

Avoiding the problems until after Valentine’s Day is not going to make the holiday special. There will be a huge white elephant in the room and there will be no romance. You cannot pretend everything is all sunshine and roses, or it will turn into Valentine’s Day Hell.

Brad Beno

He Said

To some people, it may seem better to hold off on problems in a relationship, especially when wanting to have a good time on a special day. Imagine then, what the date would be like. The night would start off with dinner. What would you talk about? Oh, but you always talk about that. Well maybe you have something better to talk about? Well, excuse me for wanting diversity! Diversity? What is that supposed to mean? It means not boring! You want to see other people? I don’t like that tie! I knew it, you think I’m ugly! No, but why do we always come to the same restaurant?!

…that’s going swell.

My advice to any couple looking to have an enjoyable time on Valentine’s Day: don’t mask the issue(s). When you mask an issue, it doesn’t stop or change your personal feelings on the matter. Eventually, the original problem is bound to show up in a more dramatic way than if you had settled it earlier, and by this point your night is ruined with all hope loss of finishing it off right.

It’s simple. When you both have some time alone to relax, sit down and admit there is a problem that needs to be solved. Come to the understanding that you both want the same goal: to make the relationship better. Come up with some kind of agreement, or compromise that solves part of the issue. Even if it doesn’t fix everything, it’s progress. Once V-Day arrives, you’ll both feel better knowing you got something done together, and you should be able to genuinely enjoy each other.