Bro… #3

By Jordan Moser

Staff Writer

Since childhood, we have all wanted to know what it would be like to be a superhero. Many superheroes are depicted as being in their late 20s-early 30s, in peak physical condition, and having superior intelligence; if you ask me, that sounds like a byproduct of some memorable college years. One has to wonder what they were like as undergrads.

Spiderman

Peter is a freshman majoring in journalism and hasn’t really adapted to the college lifestyle yet. He has met a couple of guys through classes, but none of them ever want to hang out with him. Every Thursday night he tries to find a house party, but never gets in. His roommate brings up the idea of buying fake IDs together and Peter agrees. They spend all the money they can spare on the IDs just to have them confiscated on their first attempt to get into the most popular bar in the city. Peter and his roommate walk back to the dorms, pour a couple vodka mixers, and stay up late playing XBOX and swiping through Tinder.

Batman

Bruce is a junior and a proud brother of the Beta Alpha Tau fraternity. As an entrepreneurship major, Bruce is just trying to enjoy college until he ultimately graduates and takes full control of Wayne Enterprises. Bruce and his fraternity brother, Rob, go out to the bars a few times a week and even though Rob asks Bruce to be his wingman, Bruce ends up stealing the spotlight, charming the ladies and buying them drinks all night. After a few glasses of whiskey and shots of tequila, Bruce inevitably ends up going home with girls pretty regularly while Rob has to resort to his other fraternity brothers for a wingman candidate.

Iron Man

Tony is a senior, double majoring in electrical engineering and economics. With graduation coming up in the spring and his involvement in a number of student organizations, Tony doesn’t have much time to spare. Whenever he’s available to party, however, his friends are always there for him to ensure an epic night. Not really a fan of the bar scene, Tony and his crew usually end up going to house parties where they typically stand around, drinking craft beer, and talk about their hectic class schedules.

Thor

Going into his fifth year at the university, Thor has become a college icon and is very well known around campus for the destruction he causes on the football field as well as his crazy party antics. When Thor is not in the weight room or at football practice, he’s at a house party. He can often be spotted putting guys in headlocks, one trapped under each of his massive biceps, and yelling “who’s the best?” after he just embarrassed the two of them in beer pong. He claims that he’s so good because of his super human senses, but it’s more than likely a combination of a copious amount of light beer and repetition.