“I have feelings for a close friend of mine, and I keep getting mixed signals that make it hard to tell whether or not they feel the same. How do I find out without making things awkward or ruining our friendship?”
She said – Commentary by Andrea Behling
Oh the dreaded A-word. If there’s one thing that ends a friendship the quickest, it’s awkwardness. So many times I see two close friends become estranged after one decides to tell the other how they feel and it is ill received. This situation almost always leads to embarrassment and the inevitable awkwardness between both friends.
As this trend continues to repeat itself, I feel as though many people decide to keep their feelings hidden from the other in an attempt to avoid the friendship A-word. Yet in my opinion, this is the worst possible thing you could do. What if the person you’ve been friends with since childhood is really your destined soul mate? Or what if your friend has the exact same feelings, but is too shy to tell you?
In my opinion, it’s worth the risk. As you may have heard the saying, “Love is friendship on fire.” And I couldn’t agree more. Love is all about the risks you take and the possibilities you create for yourself.
And on top of all this, if your friend is giving you mixed signals, that might be a good indicator that they have feelings for you as well, but are just too scared to tell you. Don’t be afraid to be the one to lay it all on the table. Even if your friend hasn’t thought about you in that light, they may begin to if you let them know how you feel. And if they’re a true friend, they’ll admire your courage.
If this still doesn’t convince you to tell your friend how you feel, think about what it would be like continuing your friendship with that “what if” in the back of your mind. You’ll end up sabotaging the friendship anyways if your feelings remain.
He said – Commentary by Michael Gouvion
First, I would like to say I have yet to figure out how to approach this the best way. I have several friends who are girls that I am very close with. I’ve had feelings for a few of them and have always needed advice as to what to do when approaching a situation like this.
Similar to many issues in life, especially relationship issues, I believe honesty is the best way to go. From experience, asking the girl straight up whether she has feelings for you or not is the easiest and quickest way to figure out if she does. You may think it will hurt your chances in the long run, but at least you won’t waste months and possibly years waiting around for her to make up her mind.
After asking her this, her response will most likely pose the question “why do you ask?” Well, it’s pretty obvious why you asked, so stay with the honesty and just tell her you were crushing on her. It may be a turn off for her at first, but at least if she starts to have feelings for you, she will know you’ve had feelings for her at one point. Once you have feelings for someone, it’s hard to get rid of them, so the feelings may become mutual eventually.
Coming out and asking the girl straight up will get you a straightforward answer. Answering her question of “why?” with an honest answer of your feelings for her may help her gain more trust in you seeing that you’re being honest as well.
Dealing with mixed signals is difficult and usually a waste of time so ask her as soon as possible and if asking her ruins your friendship, maybe it wasn’t meant to be anyways.
