SHE SAID…
Commentary by Kari Imberg
A wise man once said: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
Okay—so this “wise man” is my mom, but it just so happens that she’s right.
Having lost a very close friend of mine in a battle over a guy, I say don’t risk it! You may be tempted to make your move on the guy, but how would your friend feel? Furthermore, how would you feel if your friend and the guy started dating?
The scenario would be extremely awkward for the three of you if you began dating your crush. You would have to have the burden of not only knowing you hurt your close friend, but of having to know she likes your boyfriend. No, thanks!
I’m lucky enough to have gained my friend back after almost two years of not speaking to each other after this exact incident. Let me tell you, it was the worst couple years of my life. Sure, I got the guy, so you would think I would be happy; not the case. In fact, I was completely miserable. I had broken my friend’s heart by picking some guy over her. Honestly, I think it hurt me just as much, if not more, than it hurt her.
The truth is, if your friend means anything to you, then take a step back and really look at the situation. There are millions of men in the world, so why choose the one that will ruin a friendship? Okay, so he’s good looking, charming, funny, all that good stuff, but who’s had your back for all the hard times in your life? Most likely, the answer to that is your close friend.
Before you make your move, you really need to think about your priorities. If you go for the guy and things don’t work out, I highly doubt your friend will be waiting for you with arms wide open.
HE SAID…
Commentary by Zach Hicks
There is no easy answer to a problem like this but for me the best route is communication. If you and your close friend both like the same person, the first step is to talk about it with your friend. Maybe the crush is a much bigger deal for you than it is for your close pal. When it comes down to it, you might have to ask yourself if you are willing to sacrifice your friendship to go after this crush. If the answer is no, then proceed with caution.
While it is important to pursue a crush confidently, if you really value your friendship with your friend one of the options on the table is to yield to them. Just as you would expect them to do. If your crush is not as strong as your friend’s is, then it would be a good gesture to communicate that you will let them pursue the crush solo.
Let’s say you have communicated with your friend that you actually really like this person and they inform you that they also have a huge crush on the same person. This is where it gets sticky. Who knows, maybe your friendship would survive if your friend and you competed for the highly coveted crush. Not all friendships can survive such a competition though. Although it may be hard, the best decision might be for both you and your friend to not pursue this crush. Again, if you truly value your friendship, then you cannot let a crush get in between you and your close friend.
Use communication. In any relationship, talking about things is the key. Also, make sure you evaluate your priorities. If you take these two ideas and coordinate them with the before mentioned advice, you should be able to deal with this problem in the way that suits you best.
