Founded 1901

Royal Purple

Founded 1901

Royal Purple

Founded 1901

Royal Purple

The constant Gardner: playing hard to get


This week, I’m going to take a step out of the sex writing role. I’d like to extend the topics I will cover in this column to the things both sexes should or shouldn’t do in a relationship.

I want to start out with the aspect of beginning a new relationship that drives me nuts: when someone plays hard to get.

It’s one of the most frustrating parts of trying to start a relationship, and something I’ve experienced a lot in my day. The type of play I’m talking about is forcing the other person to go out of their way to make social contact with you on a daily basis.

It’s a problem when that person gets the thought in their head that they must text or call more than ordinary just to get you to participate in a conversation.

In my mind, ordinary conversation when beginning a relationship is a phone conversation every other day and a text conversation on each day you don’t talk on the phone.

The problem with playing hard to get is the damage you do to the other person’s psyche. The person doesn’t know what to think. They keep asking the same questions over and over:

Is he or she interested?  Do they just depend on me to communicate with them on a daily basis? Is he or she afraid of a commitment and is worried all I’m looking for is a close relationship?

If you are the person playing hard to get, just stop. If you’re trying to make sure the person is genuinely interested in you, don’t force them to make conversation with you every day.

There has to be a two-way street in every relationship, whether it’s a committed relationship or just an intimate relationship.

And if you’re just not into in the other person, make sure you let them know.

Believe me, it’s very hard to tell someone you’re not interested in them and then give the reasons as to why you feel that way.

I would normally not endorse lying in any situation but this is one where you can do more harm to someone by not telling a fib.

If put in this situation, tell someone you’re not looking for a relationship in your life at this time. Even if you end up in a serious relationship a few months down the road, you’ve done the person you were untruthful to a favor.

The moral of the story is above all else, be honest.

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Comments (2)

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  • U

    UnknownMar 11, 2011 at 5:04 am

    Not only is this completely off topic for a sex columnist, the entire article seems as if it’s written with a sense of rage. This is definitely a personal experience. One that the University of Whitewater has no interest in knowing.

  • K

    KarliMar 9, 2011 at 11:00 pm

    Isn’t this kind of topic usually found in the “That’s what he/she said” column? I don’t understand why Matt has a sex column to begin with, and now it’s inconsistent. Stick with he/she said, because it is way more entertaining, interesting and informative. It’s nice to hear both sides of the topic, rather than just from one guy who thinks he is worthy enough of taking on the role of a sex columnist.

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Founded 1901
The constant Gardner: playing hard to get