You know you have a good job when being sick just means you’re sad to miss work.

Over the last year (has it only been a year?),  The Royal Purple has become a second home to me. The people I have worked with are entirely responsible for many wonderful college memories. I would like to take a moment to thank them, with too few words, in the worst grammar ever permitted in The Royal Purple.

Kim, you beautiful bastard. You are a guiding light to young journalists, an incredible mentor, a boss who I don’t mind working for and a downright wonderful person. You have encouraged me to work harder and be better, and I know that working with you has made me a better writer and editor. My only question is: what have you done with Sister Catherine? I know you have her!

Brad, Chad or Channel, whichever applies at the moment. After stepping into a boss position this year, you have remained humble and approachable. You never stopped asking if you could help or lend a hand in any section. I have no doubt that the paper will thrive with your guidance. That being said, you are also an incredible friend, and everyone loves you, so use that soft voice of yours to be confident. You deserve it. Also, I’m stealing your cat.

Nicole and Ben, I’m combining the two of you, and I can already hear one of your voices shouting something obscene at me for it. Deal with it. Nicole, you’re sassy, hilarious, smart and gorgeous. I also think you are a witch, because your makeup skills cannot be considered mortal. Ben, fuck you. Since Kim and Brad won’t let me put that in, here’s what it should be substituted with: Ben, I know one day you’ll use that voice of yours for more good than evil. Probably not today, just hopefully one day.

Kolton and Jack the amount that I hate sports is equal to the amount I like you guys. That’s quite a lot. Thanks for putting so much effort into your writing and putting up with my telling you how sick I am of reading your section.

Garrett, keep up the quiet sarcasm, I appreciate it greatly.

Anna, you’re just so god damn sassy. I love it!

Connor, I’m gonna cry now. My fellow copy editor, rap battle partner, ship captain and my dear friend. When I got hired at The Royal Purple, I could never have guessed I would meet someone who has the same brand of telepathy. Our friendship was instant and our jokes endless. After only a year, I feel as if we have been friends for a lifetime. Even though I will soon be Uzi-dancing across the stage at graduation, I will not eye-roll out of your life. I mean that like: really? Really? Yeah.

I know I seem like an asshole for not mentioning every member of the staff by name, but there is a word limit here. I love all of you, and this past year wouldn’t have been the same without each and every one of you. I’ll miss you all. Later haters!